Wednesday, 31 August 2011


Hola.. It's September now.. I wish this month will be more fun and great than the others :) gheee
*I'm in LOVE mood right now*
This is new and latest love story of mine 

WELL.. Here we go..
I called him B because his blood type is B.
Have you watched the Korean love story entitled " My BF is B Blood Type" ?
Our story a little bit similar like in the movie because I am A blood type, same goes to the girl in the movie. Plus, I have short hair now like her's.

Anyway, I found out that this guy quite fun. Romantic and he never have much gf before like what I did. yeah. I was a playgirl BEfore ok..

I think, maybe, yes, he could be so much adventurous if only I hook up with him. Yeah. Our r/ship might be quite challenging if we'll hook up..haha! so Miss perasan me!

From now on, I won't find a guy with a very good looking anymore, they are SUCK and they don't love. They stick with me because I'm pretty (haha!).Well, u know? Handsome and pretty, perfect match.. urghh!!! What a package! NOPE!

GO away you handsome guy!! SHuhhhh!
 Bis awesome so far. and HE IS SAGITTARIUS!!! haha!
Sot me, believe in such thing BUT it's quite fun though..haha~
I've been looking for this Sagittarius for long time besides ARIES..
YAAY! match with me, LEO!

Alright, I stop here and I'll tell you guys the latest hot news about me!! gheee :)

WAIT, my sagittarous sign!!

here, LEO and SAGITTARIUS :)

I'm awake!!!

You know what? I rasa I dah terperangkap selama ini, terpukau by YOU. Yes. DD. 
I think everything make sense now. Yeah.
GOD have a great plan for me. Amazing future for me. No wonder HE won't let us to be together BECAUSE
you are not meant for me DD. Opps!
It takes a long time for me to realize that WE ARE NOT MEANT TOGETHER. And how stupid am I doing so much stupid things just for you and in fact you never care of what I did. Because that was not LOVE. Oh my.. what a BIG mistake I had done ever since 7 months ago. Today is 1rst of September! 4 more days is going to be our anniversary (suppose to but I don't think it is now)

DD, I'm over you! We never understand each other. Based on our horoscope too. Both of us? is a big NO right now.

I am don't hate you BUT I am regretting of what we had done. Oh how I wish I could tell you this:
" menyesal la pasal kita dua. ewww!! rasa nak muntah la!! DD, sorry. I rasa I kena pukau sbab u handsome dulu kot.. Tp I sedar now that we two x pernah memahami sesama sendiri because we two are ego and again, sorry. Just forget about what had happened between us and pretend that we xpernah on ok?" 

DD, If u baca ni, u bacalah sampai habis sbab nak jumpa u pun i x mahu and u pun memang x akan jumpa i pun. if i nak text u pun, rasa malas jak nak type msg ngan u sebab I DAH MALAS dengan u. yeah.
Baguslah if u nak pindah g Mukah, aman dunia ku :) BYE DD!! gheeee..

Tuesday, 30 August 2011


Last year raya, I was wearing dress.. Same goes to my bestfriends..
Last year raya was so happening..
Last year raya we were together..
but then...
last year raya with him.. :'(
do you still remember this child? I saw her yesterday whe I went to dayang's house again for raya..x sempat ambil gmbr with her because she is so naughty now..hehe..
This year I'm alone Dhant..
I still remember how happy was my life before..during and everything!
here I am now..with no you by my side like what you've promise..
promise to be with me no matter what happen..
but then..
the promise just left like that..

Monday, 29 August 2011


Basically, i've been officially single since 8 months ago..
and that was so hurt..really like seriously!

Anyway.. I don't know what but this is my situation right now.
- I may be sound like DESPERATE but I don't think so because I do have a little bit feeling towards this guy
- I'm afraid the only reason I'll hook with this guy just because I wanted to forget Dhant. BUT??
- I'm afraid I might hurt by this guy. YESS!!

So, I don't really know whether is it LOVE or just admire or friend? His name is Wenz. 
He is such a sweet guy (so far).. But I REALLY DONT KNOW now..
there is one thing that I know..we started to be so close a few months ago..yes, now we always texting and it is in the same month with Dhant where we started to be so close!!! I think there might be something wrong if only I hook with Wenz..but...again, who knows right?

But, for sure, let it be and I'll just follow the flow..

Wednesday, 17 August 2011


Ada yang cakap cinta itu indah..
Ada yang cakap cinta itu sengsara..
Ketika hati ini sedih kerna dikecewakan
Segalanya telah tertutup..
Pintu ini yang dahulunya terbuka hanya untuk mu
Kini tutup semula, tutup dengan begitu rapatnya..
Ada yang cakap hidup ini harus diteruskan biarpun hati telah terluka..
Ada yang cakap masih ada lagi yang terbaik di luar sana yang suatu hari nanti akan datang..
Hati ini telah pun tertutup..
Tertutup dengan eratnya..
Oleh kerna kekecewaan yang dihadapi,
Penderitaan yang ditanggung,
Kesedihan yang berpanjangan..
Aku sememangnya ingin melepaskan segalanya..
Telah ku cuba..
Bayangan wajahmu sering menghantui diri ini..
Segalanya berkaitan dengan dirimu..
Apa yang kulakukan, dimana ku berada,
Segalanya sering berkaitan dengan mu..
Bagaimana lagi caranya untuk tidak mengiingati mu?
Hati ini memang ingin melupakan segala yang ada kaitan denganmu
Engkau sering ada di dalam fikiran ku..
Aku membuat keputusan..
Aku akan tetap mencintamu..
Tetap mencintaimu dengan setulus hati..
Tuhan saja yang tahu apa yang terkandung dalam isi hatiku ini..
Tuhan saja yang tahu betapa ku mencintaimu..
Mencintaimu yang menolak ku, menyakiti hatiku..
Sampai memutih rambutku akan ku cintaimu..
Salam sayang padamu Jordan..

Tuesday, 16 August 2011


I really miss the old me though. I miss the old Q yang selalu kena buli by her own classmate. Since mula2 masuk school lagi. Because I was a fat dump girl in class back then. I selalu kena suruh buat ini, buat itu. What to do, I just follow their order. Yes, I do have bestfriends but we were not that much close before. Someday my bestfriends took me for granted. Kind of sad but that was before, we were still in a new relationship. That's why we belum lagi so close like we are right now. I miss the old me yang langsung tak tahu anythin. I don't know what is love, smoke, drink, social life, hang out and what so ever lar! Sometimes, bila diingatkan semula, apa yang terjadi dengan I sekarang sebab I terlalu daring. Ever siince I masuk secondary school, I slalu kena buli ok, I pendam semua perasaan itu. I diabaikan, no one know about me. No one cares about me, why? Because I was fat and dump girl. But now? I dare to do something that the girls who used to bullied me so that they would respect me. So that I was accepted. So that I could be in their group. BULLSHIT that! Just because of that, I had ruined my life! I had lost my happiness! EVERYTHING! I do hate my self sometimes because of my own behaviour. I never think twice. BUT, apa la sangat budak gemuk ini boleh buat? All I wanted was to be accepted. I cuma nak hentikan semua orang ketawakan I. I nak hentikan orang memandang rendah terhadap I. That's all I wanted 6 years ago. And now it turns out to be worst. Worst than I ever imagined my life was.

How it used to be

I remember how it used to be
when nothing else matter but you and me
music, country roads, and future dreams.

I miss you, I wish you could see
although you are here, I miss you and me.

I remember when you said how happy I made you
and you really meant, it's just a phrase
you say without thinking.

I miss those days when you'd call just to say "hi"
or "I love you"...the days it was so hard
just to say good-bye for a while.

I remember how wonderful it felt the first time
you held me in your arms-and how after all those
years you still made my heart melt.

I miss the old you- and the old me
The old us that could just sit and talk for hours
and never run out of things to say.

I remember when time simply stood still-
when in each other's arms is the only place
we wanted to be...forever.

I miss us as I remember how it used to be...
when nothing else matter but you and me.

Messages for you

Aku tahu engkau sudah mempunyai penganti..
I know that because I can feel it..
I think I am right about that..
I tahu dan I rasa sangat sakit..sedih menyelubungi..sadness all around me.. Whenever I hear about you, I akan terus berasa sangat sedih..Sebab I teringat masa2 yang pernah kita lalui dulu..
Seandainya englau mempunyai penganti sekarang,
cuma satu yang ku pinta..
Jangan sakiti dia..
Jangan perlakukan dia seperti mana kau lakukan pada diriku..
Jangan membuat dia merana..
Jangan pernah menipu dia..
Jangan pernah memainkan perasaan dia..

Cukuplah hanya diriku yang tangging segalanya..
Cukuplah hanya diriku yang menjadi mangsa mu..
Cukuplah hanya diriku yang merana kernamu..
Cukuplah hanya diriku yang menangis setiap malam..

Semestinya..berbahagialah u dengan dia..
Ingat, jangan pernah menyakiti seorang gadis lagi..

Questions that I really want to ask you..

Adakah salah untuk mencintai seseorang yang tidak mungkin akan mencintai kita semula?
Adakah diriku ini sungguh hina sehingga engkau sangat membenci diriku?
Adakah engkau sangat menyampah apabila melihat diriku ini yang suatu ketika dulu kau cinta?
Adakah aku tidak mungkin akan dimaafkan?
Mengapa engkau katakan engkau sanggup untuk bersama dengan ku sampai bila2 suatu ketika dulu?
Mengapakah engkau berjanji tidak akan pernah meninggalkan ku?
Mengapa engkau mempunyai terlalu banyak alasan untuk memutuskan hubungan kita?
Mengapakah engkau begitu kejam terhadap diriku sekarang?
Mengapakah engkau begitu mencintai diriku suatu ketika dulu?
Mengapa engkau tidak pernah terfikir akan perkara ini?
Adakah cintamu terhadapku dahulu hanyalah palsu?
Adakah semuanya hanyalah lakonan semata-mata?
Mengapa engkau melakukan semua ini?
Mengapa engkau begini?
Engkau menggelakkan daripada berjumpa dengan ku?
Tolonglah jumpa diriku ini buat kali terakhir..
Jikalau ada permulaannya, pasti ada pengakhirannya..

This is how I feel..

Take me away to a better place
A place that there were no one that I know
A place that far away from this place
A place that where I can start over again
So that I won't stuck with my past
So that I won't remember any of my past events

Take me away to January
I'm done with this year already
A year that full of sadness, frustrated, disappointment
I just want to move on from this year
I had enough of pain throughout this year
I had enough of suffer throughout this year
It was hard to go through this year again because it's all started in the beginning of the year

Anyone out there?
Who can take me away?
Any way?
Any solution?
That can take me away?

This is not just about you
Yes, you are include too in my story
but in certain chapter
This is all about me
Yes, obviously because this is my life
My life which is very, so full of adventurous
happiness, sadness, shocking and a lot more.

A Silent Tear

Silent words across a screen.
How could they mean so much to me.
I promised myself I would not cry.
Then a silent tear falls from my eye.
What did I do, what did I say,
To make you change your mind, the day you went away.
Everyday, waiting for a sign
To let me know, you might still want to be mind.
Another day comes and goes,
I want to write, but I can’t, I know.
You said you needed me more than I needed you,
Why would you say that, if you knew it wasn’t true?
Why did you say you loved me?
Then turn around and set me free?
I love you and want you,
But I know I can’t make you love me.


HUrmphh...Again.. It's all aboout the wet dream party..Huhhuhuhu.. It is getting worst though.. I am going to the court soon.. Oh my, how am I going to tell my mom again? For sure she will get really mad at me.. I am gonna dead soon.. Oh no!!! Stresss!! If la I kena marah so badly, I will run away..for sure.. I know my family won't accept me for who I am now.. So, this could be the last blog..maybe because the letter havent send to her and Aunty knot yet..If yes..bye..

Monday, 15 August 2011

Once upon a time in a dreamland..

I am 19 years old. I had through a lot of experiences since my first true love story which was started with my third boyfriend. I gained a lot of knowledge throughout my experiences. I never thought that my life will be like this. This is an unexpected of life I'm having here right now. My life is full of adventures. I am grateful of what I've been experienced. Thank you God.

I seem to understand what is actually meant by love when I first this man. This man had changed my life a lot. And me myself too, my life had totally changed. 

It's started when I dare to have a high dream. I wished I could be with him, get to know him more. After few years later, my dream came true. I actually get to know him, better, closer, we always text almost all the time. We even meet up and hang out very often. We were always together. There is only one reason that keep us have a topic to talk and that was all about the license. He was going to sit for his table test so that he could get the license (motorcycle first) and so do I but car license. I was very excited of having my table test. Yes, I studied hard for it. I was so eager about it though. He always make fun and make some joke that I found that was very funny. Overall, he made my life cheerful again after I had a broken heart from B's relationship. At first, I was afraid to be close with him because he was B's best friend. Who knows that B might send someone to hurt my feeling in order to take revenge towards me. But then, I was dare to trust and gave him a chance to try.

Finally, on 5th of September 2010, at 9 almost 10 pm, he asked me about my real feeling towards him. And he admitted that he have some feeling towards me. From that moment, my life changed. My life was wonderful. I have someone to love again and someone to love me again. It was living in a world which was left only both of us. 

We started to have some dates. We went out very often. We watched so much movies. I still remembered an incident, it was raining. That was my first time be with my bf during rainy time, sitting at the bus stop while waiting for the rain to stop. And he was my first bf who gave me a ride on a motorcycle. He was the one who taught me on how too ride a motorcycle. I never try it before until he did it. When it comes to Saturday, I always had excuses just to go out with him and spend more time with him. Yes, we did messaging and on call almost all the time, but that makes us missed each other so much. Sometimes, when we wanted to enjoy the nature, we went to the beach. Whenever we went to the beach, there would always several couples who took pictures with their wedding dress. And he said :" Someday we will be like this, we take picture together, you with your wedding dress." He smiled at me. I was a bit shy because that was so sweet of him. And I do still remembered where we quarrelled about something at the beach. He said something that hurt me.  But, actually he doesn't purposely said that to me. Back then, I was angry at him and ignored him all way home. He was the one who drive. I really ignored him. He tried and tried to persuade me. But yet, I did not forgive him until we went back. ACTUALLY, I really regret of every fights that we had. I really do regret that. Sometimes, whenever both of our credit was run out, we will use facebook to text since it is free to use without any charge. We never stop texting even for a day except when we were in a moody emotion where both of us were ego. 

XMAS 2010
XMAS 2010
He was the one who always by my side. No matter what, where and any time. The best moment was during Christmas. Aww. Christmas 2010 was the best I ever had. I feel I wanted to cry whenever I recall back those sweet and unforgettable memories.  He always visited me and my family. My brother really felt comfortable being with him because there was only both of them were boys where else others were girls. Me, my mother, my sister, and my cousin, Alice Yok celebrated Christmas together with him and my brother. He loves to visit us though. We even went to the festival at Padungan where we can take picture with all the decoration of Christmas. All those pictures really looks like we were in Korea because there were fake snow. We even played a toy that was very cute which I can't remember what was it's name. That was an interesting night during Christmas. I still remembered where we ever said that we would be together no matter what happen. We promised and we made the promise that what a couple did before they get married. It was like we promised to take care of each other no matter what happen. Yes, we did it. Back then, we actually planned to go back to Data but then something happened and we had to celebrate Xmas in Kuching. We wanted to attend the Prom night actually. But it seems that we will never have the chance any more. And in the end of December which was on 30th December, his birthday. I was so happy actually at that moment. Because I baked a cake for him. It was a chocolate cake but it doesn't taste so nice. huhu :( But, I was very touched when he said I was the first girlfriend who bake a cake for him beside his mother. I was very happy though. That night, he slept in my house. My mother allowed him to stay because it was late in night. 
His 20 birthday cake by me :)

Lastly, our last date, which was during a wonderful moment a couples really love to spend time with. That was during Valentine Day. My Valentine Day was simple but it's really meaningful for me. It was my first VD with my bf. I was so happy spending time with him the whole day. We went out, watched movie and had lunch. I love him. 

BUT then.. Here comes the moment that was the hardest moment in my life. It was 5 days after VD. We broke up.......

Everything had changed after he decided to leave me. A lot of things had changed. Words can't describe how much had changed, it was uncountable. There is no one beside me whenever I drive. No one to hang out whenever I go to the beach. I went to the beach alone. No one who wish me goodnight and good morning sayang any more. 

It was a great affect when he left me behind. Struggle with all the challenges alone. He also changed. He really changed a lot. The love feeling that he used to have in him had wipe away and turned out into hatred. He hates me so much. He tried to avoid me. He don't want to see me in his life any more. he doesn't want me to exist in front of him. Like what he did to me last Sunday in church. He ignored my question in front of other people. I felt so sad. Really sad. No words can describe how much sadness I have in my self. Tears that drop was uncountable, every night U had tears in my eyes. It's even worst whenever I miss you, whenever I passed by all the places that we used to go. 

I really can't go through you at the first place.....until right now..
Yes, I said that I don't love you any more. But that was just to make you feel better. I know you don't like me to say those words. 
That's all about a story in a dreamland.
A dreamland which was started with a dream and ended up with................


He left me in no time,
He forgot me sing long time,
He never came back,
He never looked at my tears,
Not my heart crying,
He never cared about my sorrow,
my screams, my moans, my cries,
I cried and cried,
but nobody came,
He left me alone
in this cruel, regretting world,
I still remember him,
My heart still loves him,
I worship him till the first day,
but he did not trust me,
not my feelings, not my heart,
I showed him my soul,
but he through it away in dark,
my heart and soul still finding
the light of his love,
the warmth of his touch,
my life is just lifeless
but he never cared,
never thought, never loved,
but i wish he get love
he ever wants, he ever desires,
which may complete him and his soul,
I just only wish……….


Forgive me for what I have done..
Forgive me because I dragged you into a lot of troubles..
Forgive me because I was the main reason of your suffer..
Forgive this imperfect girl who had ruined your life..
Who had destroyed your future, who  gave you bad experience, nightmares..
This imperfect girl is just a simple girl.. 
Just a normal human who always fall into troubles and made mistakes..
I realized what I did to you was wrong..
I can't force you too..
BUT.. You have to remember this..
I always forgive you because you were my friend, we used to be so close before, more than friend..

He's moving, he's going far away from me..

He is trying to avoid from seeing me, knowing about my life..
He is now trying to apply to another college which is in MUKAH..
Poli in MUKAH..
haixxx.. Ya Tuhan, sampai begitu sekali dia benci aku?
I was speechless when he said that in front of me, actually not really in front of me... I overheard his conversation with my cousin..
Honestly, I feel so sad, still sad about him..
He is going to move and yet, he still hates me..
I am not comfortable with that situation.


TQ  ♥ bexter ♥

He is a nice person though.

More gentleman, yes, he is..

I know he is..

Deep inside him, I know he is..

Indeed, he is more kind than Dhant..

Sorry Dhant, I have to say this though..

I am not making some comparison but that's the truth though.. 

If only I have the chance to talk to B again..

I'm sorry.

and THANK YOU   ♥ ♥ ♥

Sunday, 14 August 2011

He hates me..

I know he hates me..
so much..
I can see it through his eyes..
I can see the way he act..
His gestures..
He didn't speak to me AT ALL and I was just in front of him..
He didn't answer my question AT ALL and I was just in front of him..
Nak kata dia x dgr tapi I was just in front of him..okay..
O my..
Why do you hate me so much?
I felt uncomfortable okay..
I thought he is a good, nice Christian boy..
BUT why can't he just throw away that hate feeling?
Even we were in church? He still have that feeling though..
Why can't you just be nice to me at church Dhant? hurmphh :(
He won't forgive me God...
He hates me so much..
Even if I die terribly, sadly, suffer from any disease,
I think he also won't forgive me, he might be happy, i said MIGHT..
because he hates me so much..
But, I hope no..
God, open his heart to forgive me as I've forgiven him
YES, true God, I forgive him....

It was a dream

I dreamt about you last night..
what a sweet dream..
what a nice dream..
I was surrounding by happiness, felt so relieved, so happy, and finally I felt I was done with tearing every night..
When I woke up,
I was still in the same bed, same feeling, same condition, same mind set..
In that dream, 
U asked for apologise,
U promised me that you won't leave me any more,
U hugged me,
At the moment you hugged me, 
I felt that all the sadness that I've been through was thrown away..
Everyone cheers! Everyone was happy that we finally be together again..
BUT again...
Sweet dream..
In the next morning..
hopeless all I got..

complain complain complain

Dear blog..
Hurmphhh.. I don't know what  to say anymore..
I went to church this morning. Yeap, I saw him. After that, well as usual before we go back we would have some refresh. Yeah, he was talking to my cousin and I was there too. I was in front of him and he just ignored me!!
 And I was like?? huhhh? 
*** The moral of this story is: I forgive him for what he had done but it seems that he haven't forgive me. and HELLO??
I'm the one who more suffer than him before this okay.. 
I don't understand this kind of man. Ignored me? 
 DEAR DHANT, we are cousin like what you said, I forgive you. And please stop being too egoistic. Stop with hating. I really feel awkward whenever we meet okay? And plus, we will always going to meet. BECAUSE we came from the same place, can't you get it? huhh

Saturday, 13 August 2011

BEST FREIND ALICE AND HER BF ANDY :) & EX BF's spanjang ALCE n ANDY hv been 2gether LOL

Dear blog,
I love to hang out with these people,
ALICE and ANDY :) gheeee
This is Andy and Alice
They love to entertain me whenever I have problem.
Do you know, this is Alice's first boyfriend. And they still together until now!!!
Great right?
Sepanjang they've been together, I guess I hd a lot of ex already..gheeee :)

Let's see who?
after broke up with Bexter, I've been with ROY
This is ROY
Yup. Roy. Only last for 1 month i guess bcoz i hv to go for my national service.
actually, I think he is better become my brother though..hurmphh
So sorry Roy, U care like a brother to me :(

Then, I have TRAVOR
YES. He was such a nice boy, we never met actually but i know he was a nice boy
but now, he changed. actually, we broke up in a good way.
And i think he found what he wanted to be now. I'm happy for his new life with his new gf now LOL. they are so sweet togehter bcoz i think they rock! gheee :)

hehe..long name for this Sabahan guy
let me steal his picture from fb yeah..ehee
he is such a sweet guy I ever met. We actually came from the same national sevice's camp..yeap. he is a nice boy. BUT then, conflict happened. Misunderstood makes us separated. huhhh.. But now, I dont know :) gheeeee

Now, we moved on to
just let me take his pic from fb :) yeah?
hehe..this picture make me smile though. anyway, he is such a gentleman..well, LEO :) ghee..i am a LEO too..anyway, we broke up bcoz..he is too far okay..huhh..another Sabahan guy :) we always webcam through SKYPE. yeap. But now he's with his beloved new gf :) Christy which is Lahong's cousin. Lahong is a girl from my college. Goshh, this world is small though..haha...but, thanks azhar!

The next one which is the last one, last for now. This guy had gave me a lot of sweet memories, nightdream, sadness..dull in life..he used to love me so about me every single hour. but now. he had changed, totally changed. whom I thought he was my angel turns out to be so cruel to me, yeah. But ot's ok, I forgive him, but I'll never forget what he had done to me. He is JORDAN KEBING
Let me pick up some of his picture from our album..
I called him Dhant..the reason that he made for our break up reason was we were cousin. yeah right. Before this he never mention that would be our problem in our r/tionship. BUT, sokay Dhant.. TQ..

Alright people, that's all.
Sepanjang andy and alice couple, I have 5 ex bf already..huhhh. tough!
andy and alice have been together for 2 years I guess :) gheee..they always there for me though! THANKS u two!! hahaa

Friday, 12 August 2011








Letting go..

This is the time that I've been waiting for.. This is the moment that I really want..
Do you know what is it?