I seem to understand what is actually meant by love when I first this man. This man had changed my life a lot. And me myself too, my life had totally changed.
It's started when I dare to have a high dream. I wished I could be with him, get to know him more. After few years later, my dream came true. I actually get to know him, better, closer, we always text almost all the time. We even meet up and hang out very often. We were always together. There is only one reason that keep us have a topic to talk and that was all about the license. He was going to sit for his table test so that he could get the license (motorcycle first) and so do I but car license. I was very excited of having my table test. Yes, I studied hard for it. I was so eager about it though. He always make fun and make some joke that I found that was very funny. Overall, he made my life cheerful again after I had a broken heart from B's relationship. At first, I was afraid to be close with him because he was B's best friend. Who knows that B might send someone to hurt my feeling in order to take revenge towards me. But then, I was dare to trust and gave him a chance to try.
Finally, on 5th of September 2010, at 9 almost 10 pm, he asked me about my real feeling towards him. And he admitted that he have some feeling towards me. From that moment, my life changed. My life was wonderful. I have someone to love again and someone to love me again. It was living in a world which was left only both of us.
We started to have some dates. We went out very often. We watched so much movies. I still remembered an incident, it was raining. That was my first time be with my bf during rainy time, sitting at the bus stop while waiting for the rain to stop. And he was my first bf who gave me a ride on a motorcycle. He was the one who taught me on how too ride a motorcycle. I never try it before until he did it. When it comes to Saturday, I always had excuses just to go out with him and spend more time with him. Yes, we did messaging and on call almost all the time, but that makes us missed each other so much. Sometimes, when we wanted to enjoy the nature, we went to the beach. Whenever we went to the beach, there would always several couples who took pictures with their wedding dress. And he said :" Someday we will be like this, we take picture together, you with your wedding dress." He smiled at me. I was a bit shy because that was so sweet of him. And I do still remembered where we quarrelled about something at the beach. He said something that hurt me. But, actually he doesn't purposely said that to me. Back then, I was angry at him and ignored him all way home. He was the one who drive. I really ignored him. He tried and tried to persuade me. But yet, I did not forgive him until we went back. ACTUALLY, I really regret of every fights that we had. I really do regret that. Sometimes, whenever both of our credit was run out, we will use facebook to text since it is free to use without any charge. We never stop texting even for a day except when we were in a moody emotion where both of us were ego.
|His 20 birthday cake by me :)|
Lastly, our last date, which was during a wonderful moment a couples really love to spend time with. That was during Valentine Day. My Valentine Day was simple but it's really meaningful for me. It was my first VD with my bf. I was so happy spending time with him the whole day. We went out, watched movie and had lunch. I love him.
BUT then.. Here comes the moment that was the hardest moment in my life. It was 5 days after VD. We broke up.......
Everything had changed after he decided to leave me. A lot of things had changed. Words can't describe how much had changed, it was uncountable. There is no one beside me whenever I drive. No one to hang out whenever I go to the beach. I went to the beach alone. No one who wish me goodnight and good morning sayang any more.
It was a great affect when he left me behind. Struggle with all the challenges alone. He also changed. He really changed a lot. The love feeling that he used to have in him had wipe away and turned out into hatred. He hates me so much. He tried to avoid me. He don't want to see me in his life any more. he doesn't want me to exist in front of him. Like what he did to me last Sunday in church. He ignored my question in front of other people. I felt so sad. Really sad. No words can describe how much sadness I have in my self. Tears that drop was uncountable, every night U had tears in my eyes. It's even worst whenever I miss you, whenever I passed by all the places that we used to go.
I really can't go through you at the first place.....until right now..
Yes, I said that I don't love you any more. But that was just to make you feel better. I know you don't like me to say those words.
That's all about a story in a dreamland.
A dreamland which was started with a dream and ended up with................